|"First comes love, Then comes marriage, Now comes the baby carriage"|
I'm sure you know, have met or even heard of ladies that have this perception. You know the woman whom thinks or may have thought that having a man's child will make him stay with her, love her, stop cheating or do a total 360! I'm not sure why or what it is that makes a woman think that by them having a mans child, that man will change just because a child is now involved. I mean, there are woman going through things like the cheating, not feeling loved or appreciated already without a child, but actually want to have a child thinking the man will then have this new profound love for her because she's now not just his girlfriend but also his "baby-mova" as we say (in my D.C. voice)!
Okay, let's first start with saying there's so much wrong with this!! If a man isn't treating you as he should BEFORE any children, what makes you think he'll change JUST because of a child? I know as women we naturally have that nurturing spirit and we expect the same in return. But, what women need to realize is, a man is going to do what he wants whether a child is involved or not!
**Disclaimer** I am not saying in no shape or form that just because a man doesn't love the mother of his child or children, also means that he wont love his child or children. No, not all all!! There are plenty of great fathers doing a great job that aren't with the mother of that child. What I'm saying is... what makes a woman want to have a man's baby in hopes that the man will love them more? I think that's a huge problem which shows a grey area on what their perception of love is!! You should never have to force one to love you. Having a man's baby means just that. You're simply having a baby! When having a baby, you want that to be one of, if not thee most beautiful experience ever!! You should want your man to love you, be in love with you and want you to have his children.
Women in a relationship that feel they have to secretly or purposely get pregnant so they can be loved by that man, or may think that a baby will keep that man....please believe are digging themselves a bigger disaster than expected, which will cause them more pain than needed. Yes, he may end up being a great father to that child, but what about your ultimate goal from the beginning...to get him to stay and love you? Have children out of love. Not hopeless romance! When the love is mutual, you'll get everything you want and more. When it's one sided and forced, you're bad days will more than likely outweigh your good and that ain't hot!! You will end up trapping no one but YOU! Of course no mother looks at their child as a trap on their life, children are blessings! But once you have a child, there's no turning back and there's no guarantee that man will be that great father which will leave you, the mother to do it all. Bringing a child into the world should be a loving journey for all involved from mom, dad, and child!
We don't live in a perfect world neither is anyone on earth perfect. However, I do feel as a woman, we want or shall I say yearn for that four letter word (L-O-V-E) so much, that we make conscious decisions in life to bandage up reality for what we WANT our reality to be, which in the end you actually will have settled for the other four letter word
(L-U-S-T)!! When all we have to do is put ourselves first, that way once you show that you respect yourself, he'll know there's something to respect. Like they say..."It's a man's job to respect a woman, but it's a woman's job to give him something to respect"!!! Meaning if you constantly accept the BS because you want this relationship so bad, you start to doubt yourself being enough so you start to think what can I do keep him? Maybe I should get pregnant....maybe he'll love me right if I have his baby... maybe he'll show me the respect I deserve as his child's mother. Well, my question is why are you all of a sudden worthy of love, monogamy and respect as his child's mother? You dont think you were worthy of that as his girlfriend? You have to think more of YOU! You have to want more for YOU! You have to value YOU! Having a baby is the easy part.....master the hard part first-----> capturing his heart!
What's your take? Do you think it's okay to have that mentality? Let's talk...let me know what you think!
Until next time and as always...Thanks for checking out my blog: TwithTally!!